apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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