So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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