I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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