Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I want a musical about memes.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
