im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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