you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
