WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
