we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
