i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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