fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
