She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
