I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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