just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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