Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
