guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
