Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
