I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
