I think I died a long time ago.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
