Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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