How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
