No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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