Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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