do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
