I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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