I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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