I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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