i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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