walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
