Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
