i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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