im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
