I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
