who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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