does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
