I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
