so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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