no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
