When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I yelled at your uterus for you.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
