You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
There's always time for handjobs
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
