I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
