i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
