Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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