just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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