I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
