her vagina looked like bernie madoff
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
