you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
