I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
