omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
