Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
