I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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