giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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