We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I woke up under a house in Key West
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
