So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize