eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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