It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i wish my penis had a tongue
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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