he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
