I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
