I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
