He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
