I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
