this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
