you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
