I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
