Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
