i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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