Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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