i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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