Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I can't put those talents on a resume
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize